Goodbye, Sayang

Assalamualaikum and hello guys. So today, I just want to share with you guys about my relationship. To be clear, I broke up with my beloved boyfriend today. It is hard for me to face reality, but I just gotta do it anyway. Hopefully, I am strong enough to live my life without him.

We have been fighting every time and it was all my fault for making things go worse. My attitude sucks. I always told him the truth about what makes me sad, I just talked to him in a very long paragraph. Sometimes he read it, sometimes he did not. After confessing my feelings, I became calmer for a while and asked for his forgiveness since I blurted things out. He will forgive me after a few days I have been trying to talk to him and beg for his forgiveness.

For now, I just realize that whatever I feel, those do not matter to him. Whenever we fight, he will never 'pujuk' me or tolerate us. He will just keep quiet as his reason is not wanting to fight more. He will just leave me alone when I need him the most. I feel bad for everything has happened to us but it hurts me so bad. I want to make things right but it feels like, he does not let it happens.

I am blaming my sickness for not being good enough, unstable mentally, not being patient enough, not being calmer enough, not being everything that makes him okay. I have had so many things enough until I cannot even bear the madness in myself.

To be honest, I really do not know what to say. I am so upset that he did not read my messages for a week. He may not even care when I am leaving him now.  He does no efforts on us when we fight. He just lets me go and be silent. It feels like he cannot commit this relationship. He does not fight for me when I want to break up. He just lets it happened. 

Now, I am trying my best to stay strong, not crying, be sane and not panic. I hope the choice that I made is worth it which leaves him and moves on. I seriously do love him even this happens, but I just need to move on and stay away from him and heal. I do not know how it is gonna be but I pray to Allah, if this is my fate, I'll just be ready and accept it.

I give him these quotes on my behalf to say things like this but he won't read it. His mom reads this but I don't know what will happen. These quotes really hit me.

I know I'm being immature but this is the only I could do to save our hearts from being broken and shattered again. I do love you Sayang, so so so much but this is the best for us. I'll never forget you and your love until the day I die. I promise you, your love has changed me into someone the best. I'm really thankful for treasuring you for almost 2 years we've been together. 

Please take the best care of yourself and never be regret for not giving your best shots to us. We all just learned how to appreciate better, love better, be for each other more and know our priorities better. I hope you will be the best man you'll ever be just like before even when I'm not with you anymore. I love you so much Sayang 💖

Forever my Sayang 😊

Sayang banyak mana pon, tak semestinya kita harus memiliki kan? Saya percaya, kalau kita memang ada jodoh, kita takkan l
Ke mana. I'll always write a diary about you like I used to do.

You're the most important person to me. Take care ❤