A Difficult Time In My Life

Hai and Assalamualaikum, for the second entry of today, I would like to share with you guys about 'A difficult time in my life' that is still fresh in my mind. It will take time to share about this entry but I will try my best to get it done quickly. I really hope it will give benefits to others.

To be continued.

Hello, I know it's been a while I don't post some entries. I had busy days which made me hard to write and I couldn't think well to write anything. I am very sorry about that. Things were hard for me to handle and I had to stay away from the blog too. So today, I will try my best to write about the challenge. I will try my best to share with you guys in the easiest way to understand.

Day 11 - A Difficult Time In My Life

As you guys know, I have been suffering from dysthymia. You may read any info about depression on mental health labels. So, difficulties that I have been through at high school are like carrying over to years. Okay, I'll tell you about it.

In 2016, saya sambung belajar for a diploma at UiTM Jengka. I've been depressed since high school but did not get any treatment or help from professionals. So bila masuk tu, I decided to change myself into someone I am not. I did not know what happened but I become hyper and nothing made me tired. At that time actually, I was having an episode for a bipolar which is a manic episode.

I joined SUKSIS and Silat Gayung Malaysia at the same time untuk hilangkan rasa depressed while everyone didn't know that I was depressed. Dalam masa tu jugak, I met my ex boyfriend, Acap, he was a nice guy but we both broke up in the first semester because of me also. He was having a hard time since he lost his only brother and I was mentally unstable but still nak ada relationship since he was into me because of me and he was a nice guy and until now I still adore him.

Kiranya, beban on me bertambah, things from high school I still carry at that time and could not let it go. Ditambah dengan break up, I go manic and went out with my guy friends until up all night. Sampai lah one day, something hit me hard until I go depressed really hard which turns the episode to depressive one sampailah sekarang. That is why when I was diagnosed, my diagnosis is bipolar type 2 - depressive disorder one.

Beban yang I pikul from high school is susah saya nak let things go which is I was bullied sexually and harassed by mental and physical. I was having trust issues with guys which leads to depression too. It is connected to a borderline personality disorder that I am suffered from. People in high school were mean and at that time, ask.fm was famous and someone harassed me in sexual ways anonymously. I could not move on since I was getting hates a lot.

 The main difficult time in my life is when a thing hits me down is I was training for Silat and sparring with an older guy in the group and I broke my arm because of him. Because it happened, I went depressed like I could not function as a human.

Kiri, my broken arm was forced by the Xray crew to be straight until I cried for hurting so much.

This is a picture of my broken arm. The diagnosis is Alleged Sports Injury with Closed Comminuted Fracture of Midshaft Right Humerus. I was hospitalized at Hospital Temerloh for having a serious fracture that was needed surgery but I did not do it because of my complicated saraf - saraf in my arm which was nearby at my broken bone.

At that time of me, parring was at 10pm and went to Hospital Jengka for treatment and received it at 2 am because of the ER was having two major cases which were accident teruk. I was waiting for the Xray and found out that I needed to be transferred to Hospital Temerloh.

I was alone with this kid who was from Thailand studying at maahad nearby Hospital Jengka in the ambulance. He was sick with the appendix and I sat on the sofa next to him and my coach and seniors were following me with a car. Got the treatment at ER alone in yellow zone which is separa kritikal.

Then, I was transferred into a ward at 9 am and saya di bius with morphine, the painkiller that is used for something critical if I was not mistaken. Sumpah high gila time tu, sampai mamai cakap dengan doktor bila nak tukar simen tangan sebab kat Hospital Jengka, MA dia salah buat and buatkan my broken arm lagi teruk.

This is waking up after being anesthetic by the morphine.

My roommate and SUKSIS friend came for a visit.

Jadi doktor pakar tengok tangan saya semua and tukar simen. At that time, I told to my doctor for not being rough to me while doing my simen, I heard my broken arms moving around which scared me. My parents came to Hospital after that and wanted me to be transferred to Hospital Putrajaya.

So I went to my hostel to get my stuff and went home with 2 weeks MC. I wore the arm cast for 2 months and been suffering depression after that even though I was training for SUKSIS. I had to face my SUKSIS coaches who kinda hate me for being active and were not their favourite. I had to deal with things that are hard for me until I lost myself. 

Maybe I was depressed that was why I felt like that. One of my coaches came for a visit and brought my friends to visit me at the hospital. I was so thankful to have them. I hope they will be blessed by Allah all the time. You know what is the worst?? I had to sleep without laying down. Just sleeping like the pic above. Letak bantal and tidur time duduk. It happened for 3 weeks tau. Then I forced myself to sleep half sitting pulak.

I hurt myself a lot and lost a lot of friends. I cut off everything, my old friends, my current friends. I went to be an introvert person but an extrovert to someone who I am comfortable with, like my boyfriend or housemates. I became someone I am not also when I am in a depressive episode. I lost a lot of weighs until I reach 48 kg. Thank God, currently, I am in manic episodes which makes me hype and gain a lot of weight which is good since I was underweight.

To conclude, I have lost and gained a lot through the difficulties that I have been through and since I already seek help from professional and under medication, it helps me a lot and I try my best to change into someone better and correct myself for mistakes that I have done to my family, my friends, my boyfriend and myself. 

It is time for myself to redeem and recorrect everything in my life. I really hope you guys can pray for me to achieve something I want in my life. I hope also that I won't turn into depressive episodes again or I might lose myself again. I hope this entry will open your eyes to people who have depressions and been through shits a lot. Thank you for taking the time of yours for me.

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A Job I Could Have In The World

Hai and Assalamualaikum, hari ni saya nak share with you guys about the 10th challenge. I'm sorry for not updating yesterday. I had a rough day so I decided to take a break from anything and I was working too. So today, I'll do the challenge. Hopefully, it will give a benefit to you.

Day 10 - If I Could Have Any Job In The World, What Would It Be?

First of all, I love working. Since it makes my mind and mental health go well. Even right now, I'm working as a part-time crew at Burger King Alamanda. Basically, the crews in BK are a lot like 15 crews. My friend and I are the eldest, 22 years old and I am 21. The others are like 20 and most of them are 19. I would not complain but what I have observed, they aren't really mature.

I always do things that none would do. I notice little things that are needed to be done. I would do the nastiest work to do in the job like cleaning the bins or even cleaning for dining. Most of younger crews are in doubt doing that. So, as the eldest, we are done that for them. It sucks but yeah, life must go on.

So, to answer the question, I would not really mind having any job. I would love to train myself to not being a picky in having a job. Even in this cruelty world, it is hard t find a job which suits our education courses. Hence, we just have to go through without complaining and being picky.

Those will help you to be wiser and mature in managing tasks, get the tasks done and kinds of stuff. I hope everything that goes through in my life really gives me a lot of benefits and can help others too especially to my family. I really hope so.

That's all from. Thank you.

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How Do I Stay Positive?

Hai and Assalamualaikum, so for today, I would like to share with you guys on how do I stay positive. As a person who has unstable mental, it is so hard for me to be a positive one, especially in thinking of positively something. So, I do some things who kinda help me to be positive. Let's find them out 😊

Day 9 - How Do I Stay Positive?

1. I appreciate little things around me like food, money, feeling happy or at ease.

2. I recite 2 pages of al-Quran after prayers.

3. Cry out loud until I feel better.

4. Eat the food I love.

5. I write diaries.

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Something For My Kids To Know

Hai and Assalamualaikum. So today I want to make an entry about something for my kids to know. To be honest, I really don't want any kids sooner when I'm married. I even said to my boyfriend that I want to be with him for years then start to make some babies. He was okay about it I guess but this is a challenge so I'm gonna do it anyway.

Day 8 - Something For My Kids To Know

1. No matter how busy I am, tell me and let me know when you need me. I'll be always there for you.

2. Whenever you are hurt, tell me what makes you feel better, I'll help you out.

3. Never expect more, expectations will kill you.

4. Be silent whenever you're mad, words are sharper than a knife.

5. Please do appreciate little things around even when things are easy.

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Cempedak McFLURRY

Hai and Assalamualaikum, so today I would like to share with you guys about Cempedak McFLURRY that has been released a few days ago. I know this sounds wow but I'm gonna review this ice cream like I did for Duriang Smoothie Tealive.

McDonald's dah keluarkan 2 menu baru sekarang which is Cempedak McFLURRY and ayam goreng McD 3 kali pedas.  I've tried both of them tapi kita review dulu Cempedak McFLURRY ni dulu ye.

Cempedak McFLURRY

🥛: Rasa cempedak real, syrup perisa cempedak, ada cempedak bites

💸: RM 6

💖: 7/10

💬: Alamanda Putrajaya

Comment:

To me, the ice cream tastes really the same as we eat cempedak. The syrup used in the ice cream looks orange yellowish and smells so good which the smell blended well with the smell of ice cream vanilla. Sometimes cempedak can be like an acidic and bergas taste. Tapi this ice cream nope. Manis je. It even suits for those yang gila manisan. Really sweet tau. The ice cream pon ada cempedak bites which is like cempedak yang di cut halus - halus. The real cempedak madu one. Super tasty. As a person who has gastric, my stomach was doing so fine after eating it, not having angin or anything. Overall taste good but I am not really into something sweet so I'm giving it 7 out of 10. It tastes better than Durian McFLURRY a long time ago. So, don't forget to find out how it tastes.

Selamat mencuba!

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The Best Advice I've Got

Day 7 - The Best Advice I've Got

Listen here. Always remember this.

1. No matter how hard life test you, you're still a human. You can break and you can face it. It's gonna take time but you will be fine.

2. Don't force yourself into something. If you hate it then hate it. If you want it then fight for it. It's all up to you. Don't let people control you. You're a master of your own life.

3. It's okay to give up. Giving up doesn't mean you lose forever. You still can start new and make sure that time you put your A-game. Close your own diary and start your new journal. Write a script that you want to live your life for.

4. You're not crazy. You're unique. Don't let people change that. You're sick but you will be fine. There are treatments and meds that will make you better. Just bear with it. People can't be you that why they keep saying things about you. Ignore them. Live your own life.

5. Take a break if you're too tired. Take your time. Even a strong man takes a break to gain his energy before he builds his own castle. Time will heal you. But before you ask time to heal you need to know that every struggle will lead you to something bigger. Happiness.

6. Don't let your mind control you. You're the one that needs to control everything. You have the power. So use it.

7. Put yourself as your first priority. No matter what. You first. Got it? If you don't love yourself then don't expect people to love you.

8. Don't bottle up. Let it out. Don't stop your emotions. Don't teach yourself and soul to be heartless. Don't be someone that you weren't. Don't let the demon control you. Courage always kills the negativity.

9. If people don't wanna be with you. Or your relationship ends badly just remember out there on the real world there's gonna be billions of people waiting for you. That can make you happy. If you lost someone doesn't mean your world will stop. You just enter the new chapter of life. Okay? Face the new journey. Don't let that person hurts you. Prove to them that you're someone replaceable. They won't find someone like you. Prove that you can live a better life without them. That how you gonna hurt them back. Jangan berdendam. That is just gonna hurt you.

10. Finally, be yourself. You're beautiful in every way. He created you will imperfections. Imperfections create a beautiful soul. That you. You don't have to be strong like a rock or even god because you're not one of that. You're human and that enough. You can never make people's satisfied. They will always ask for more. So give what you can. And let it be. You're good enough. Trust me.

These pieces of advice are from Mons on Group Mental Health Telegram. Someone who I adore so much for always helping me out when I'm in confusion.

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Everyday Makeup Look

Hai and Assalamualaikum, so for today, I want to share my 'Everyday Makeup Look' to all of you guys. Actually, it is not really makeup since I am no good at it. Here, you can judge it.

Day 6 - Everyday Makeup Look

My Makeup Look 1

My Makeup Look 2

As I said it is really simple. Usually, I will put on my skincare routine. Then add some makeup.

Makeup Look Naisya

1. Put on compact powder by MAYBELLINE Clear Smooth All In One Filled 05 Sand Beige

2. Wear some mascara on by Essence Get BIG! Lashes Volume Curl Mascara

3. Put on some blush with liptint by IN2IT Gel Tint GT 03 raspberry

4. Put on some lipstick by SILKYGIRL Matte Junkie Lip Cream 01 Retro

tengok yang 06 Darling, itu warna 01 Retro sebenarnya.

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A Letter To Someone

Hai and Assalamualaikum, sorry for not updating a new entry about this challenge. Yesterday was hard for me since I'm taking medicine at night and at the same time I have a night shift work. I was so sleepy even at my workplace I already fell asleep with mouth opened haha and I did not know what happened. When I was going home, I was still sleepy and could not do anything.

Day 5 - A Letter To Someone

I'm choosing this letter for my boyfriend because I have so much to say to clear a lot of things between us. So I hope he will read this and understand the situation.

Dear Anizam, my beloved boyfriend, 

I'm here to write because I want to make things right for us and having another chance for me to love you, to make you happy, to make you smile, to make you laugh, to create memories with you and to be your girlfriend again. Yes, I want them all.

I know you've been hurting because of my behaviours, my abusing acts, my shitty attitude. I hope you realize that I was like that, not because I wanted it to but I could not control it well. I've changed too, I was still bluntly talking things out truthfully without making sure you were alright with it and again, I'm hurting you a thousand times until you cannot take it anymore.

I know you've been always accompanying me to the hospital past a few weeks ago. You still did not know what I've been suffering because I did not tell you about it and you also did not ask for it. I am going to talk to you about it and it affects me and us a lot too.

I've been suffering dysthymia, bipolar disorder type 2 and borderline personality disorder. Yes, I am going to talk about those and clearly state how those make them hard for me that affects us. I hope you'll understand and give me another chance for us to start over again.

Dysthymia

Bipolar Disorder Type 2

Borderline Personality Disorder

I know I've been complicated all this time and I really regret what has happened between us. It is hard for me to be mentally stable. My effort to being healthy, I never skip taking medicine every day. I even try my best to stay calm and patience. I hope you realize that I am really trying my best.

I don't care if you want us to stop or give up on me. I know this is what I deserve. I just want you to know that you are the best person ever comes into my life. I hope you had a great time with me as well. I appreciate your decision this time to stay or leave.

I won't stop writing a diary for you. Please, let me know what I've been hurting and how can I do to make things right for us. I want us to communicate well. Even when we won't be together. I guess that's all from me. I'll write to you next time.

Take care, Sayang.

p/s we were fine actually but I was overthinking and feeling anxious about my relationship. Thank God everything that messed up in my head are gone for now.

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How Borderline Personality Disorder Affects Relationship

Borderline Personality Disorder

People with borderline personality disorder (BPD) tend to have major difficulties with relationships, especially with those closest to them. Their wild mood swings, angry outbursts, chronic abandonment fears, and impulsive and irrational behaviors can leave loved ones feeling helpless, abused, and off-balance. 

Signs and Symptoms

Only a doctor or mental health professional can officially provide an official diagnosis of a personality disorder, but there are several key symptoms you can observe that might indicate a person has BPD. These include:

• Intense fear of rejection, separation, or abandonment
• Rapid changes between thinking someone is perfect to believing they are evil
• Risky behaviors including unsafe sex, gambling, drug use, or accumulating credit card debt
• Threats of suicide or self-harm
• Difficulty empathizing with other people
• Mood swings from euphoria to intense shame or self-criticism
• Frequently losing one’s temper

People with BPD are often terrified that others will leave them. However, they can also shift suddenly to feeling smothered and fearful of intimacy, which leads them to withdraw from relationships. The result is a constant back-and-forth between demands for love or attention and sudden withdrawal or isolation.

Another BPD symptom that particularly impacts relationships is called abandonment sensitivity. This can lead those with BPD to be constantly watching for signs that someone may leave them and to interpret even a minor event as a sign that abandonment is imminent. The emotions may result in frantic efforts to avoid abandonment, such as pleading, public scenes, and even physically preventing the other person from leaving.

Another common complaint of loved ones in borderline relationships is lying. While lying and deception is not part of the formal diagnostic criteria for BPD, many loved ones say lying is one of their biggest concerns; this can be because BPD causes people to see things very differently than others.

Finally, other symptoms of BPD, including impulsivity, self-harm, and dissociative symptoms, which can have an indirect impact on borderline relationships.

How to set and reinforce healthy boundaries

Talk to your loved one about boundaries at a time when you’re both calm, not in the heat of an argument. Decide what behavior you will and will not tolerate the person and make those expectations clear. For example, you may tell your loved one, “If you can’t talk to me without screaming abuse at me, I will walk out.”

Do…

Calmly reassure the person with BPD when setting limits. Say something like, “I love you and I want our relationship to work, but I can’t handle the stress caused by your behavior. I need you to make this change for me.”

Make sure everyone in the family agrees on the boundaries—and how to enforce the consequences if they’re ignored.

Think of setting boundaries as a process rather than a single event. Instead of hitting your loved one with a long list of boundaries all at once, introduce them gradually, one or two at a time.

Don’t…

Make threats and ultimatums that you can’t carry out. As is human nature, your loved one will inevitably test the limits you set. If you relent and don’t enforce the consequences, your loved one will know the boundary is meaningless and the negative behavior will continue. Ultimatums are a last resort.

Tolerate abusive behavior. No one should have to put up with verbal abuse or physical violence. Just because your loved one’s behavior is the result of a personality disorder, it doesn’t make the behavior any less real or any less damaging to you or other family members.

Enable the person with BPD by protecting them from the consequences of their actions. If your loved one won’t respect your boundaries and continues to make you feel unsafe, then you may need to leave. It doesn’t mean you don’t love them, but your self-care should always take priority.

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How Bipolar Disorder Affects Relationship

Bipolar Disorder

Bipolar disorder is characterized by dramatic shifts in mood, energy and activity levels. These changes are so extreme that an affected individual may seem like a different person when they are up, as opposed to down. Everybody has moods, but bipolar disorder interferes with normal daily living.

If a person with bipolar disorder experiences major depressive symptoms, they may be less communicative during a period of depression. They may become tearful or feel hopeless and pessimistic. Having low self-esteem may feel less affectionate. It can be difficult for a person's partner to know what to say or do to help. They may feel rejected, mistaking symptoms as a lack of interest in the relationship.

The unpredictable symptoms and behaviors of a person experiencing bipolar disorder can shake up a relationship and may scare even the most supportive partner. These symptoms can include:

Mania (Type 1):

increased physical and mental activity

exaggerated optimism and self-confidence

excessive irritability, aggressive behavior

decreased need for sleep

rapid speech, thought

increased sexual behavior and spending

Depression (Type 2):

prolonged sadness

changes in appetite and sleep

irritability, anger, worry

pessimism, loss of energy

feelings of guilt and worthlessness

recurring thoughts of suicide and death

Tips For When Your Partner Has Bipolar

All relationships take work, and being in a relationship with a person with bipolar disorder is no different. A healthy partnership requires empathy, communication, and self-awareness. There are many ways to build a strong relationship with a partner who has bipolar, including by:

1. Learning about the condition

Learning about bipolar disorder can help a person understand what their partner is experiencing. Reading reputable, well-sourced health information websites can help give a balanced view of the condition.

2. Asking about triggers

Workplace stress or lack of sleep can trigger bipolar symptoms. Triggers are events or circumstances that could disrupt the mood state of a person with bipolar disorder. This could increase their risk of experiencing a manic or depressive episode.

Triggers could include dealing with a stressful work scenario, not getting enough sleep, or missing doses of medication. Not everyone with bipolar will have triggers, but if they do, they may have learned about them through their own experience with the illness.

Asking about personal triggers can help someone support their partner when those events or circumstances arise or help them avoid triggers. However, many mood changes can occur without triggers.

3. Asking about behaviors

Asking what behaviors are typical for a person with bipolar disorder during high or low periods can help someone recognize their partner's shifts in mood.

Learning which behaviors are usual for a loved one and which indicates a shift in mood can be very helpful. This enables the partner of a person with bipolar disorder to distinguish usual behaviors from bipolar symptoms.

4. Supporting treatment

To support a person's treatment plan, start by discussing what the plan involves. This may help reduce any anxiety in the relationship. While some people appreciate being asked about how their treatment is going, others may find it intrusive or paternalistic. It is crucial to talk about how best to support treatment and whether there are aspects of treatment that a person does not want to discuss.

5. Creating a support plan

Creating a support plan is a useful way for a partner to learn how to help a person with bipolar when they are unwell. This might include planning activities, making a list of useful contacts, such as a trusted relative or therapist, and making adjustments to a daily routine.

A support plan reassures both partners that they will know how to respond to a very high or low period. This can reduce anxiety around the idea of the person with bipolar becoming unwell.

6. Communicating feelings

High or low periods may be emotional for both partners. For this reason, open communication is crucial. A partner should explain how the behavior of a person with bipolar makes them feel, without judging them or stigmatizing the condition. Talking openly can be a powerful way to reduce the negative impact that certain behaviors may have.

7. Practicing self-care

It is vital for the partner of a person with bipolar disorder to support their own mental health by practicing self-care. Through self-care, a person can strengthen the relationship. It can also improve their ability to care for their partner.

Some ways a person can practice self-care when their partner has bipolar disorder include:

1. talking to a friend or family member about relationship issues
2. practicing a hobby
3. getting regular exercise
4. seeing a therapist
5. not being the partner's only support
6. practicing stress-relieving techniques such as mindfulness or meditation

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How Dysthymia Affects Relationship

Dysthymia

When I am depressed, the tendency to let the dark side of my situation will fill into the relationship of us, my family and friends too. People who suffered from depression ni have higher levels of suffering the pain, anxiety and sadness. They will feel the relationship is less satisfactory and become unusually upset when problems in the relationship happen. 

They more likely to blame their partners when things go wrong, and they tend to shut down emotionally instead of reach out and connect. Their partners, in turn, feel more emotionally burdened and distressed themselves.

Just as depression and relationship satisfaction are linked, so is anxiety and distress in the relationship. Being in a poorly functioning relationship may make you more susceptible to the experience of anxiety which, in turn, can lead relationship quality to worsen.

You might be a sunny optimist, happy and relaxed, but if your partner casts a negative light on your interactions, this will take its toll on your mood and relationship satisfaction.

Men who experience anxiety may seem to be more rejecting to their partners and because women are typically more sensitive to rejection, in turn, can cause them to question and doubt their relationship’s quality. I know you've been anxious when we were together but I accept you anyway.

This shows why it is hard for us to have a healthy relationship.

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Describe My Partner

Hai and Assalamualaikum so for today I would like to share with you guys about my beloved boyfriend, Nizam. He is the only person who I really love and care about. You may skip this entry if it annoyed you with my lovey-dovey entry.

Day 4 - Describe My Partner

Nizam and Willy

Name: Ahmad Anizam Ahmad Almi. 

House: Sungai Buaya, Dungun

Birthdate: 23.10.1998

He is the most amazing person I've ever met. The kindest person I know. He loves to sacrifice himself for others to make things easier for everyone. The most clingy son ever. He loves to hug his mom. The best son I guess. He never complains about things. He'd be quiet even things are hard for him or uneasy to him. He's really smart, especially in Maths.

He really loves games until he'd rather lose me for the games but I love him anyway. He's the most patient person I've met other than my dad. He'd never be mad at me even I made a lot of mistakes. Omg, I'm in tears because I too miss him too much.

He's always the positive person on everything. Whenever I had rough times like my ex-housemates were not cleaning the house, I did that alone and complained to him while crying, he was always there for me, through pain, sadness, anger, happiness and other things I could remember.

He's always the humblest person, even things he did were amazing and he still thinks it was nothing. I love the way he keeps himself cool. Yes, he is so cool. He's the best listener I've had. The most understanding person. My best listener. My forever listener too. He'll just listen to everything I said.

He won't judge me for being myself. Even I look ugly, or being impatient or get angry. He will accept me anyway. He's always taking care of me when I'm hungry, he will buy food for me for breakfast. He will take care of my craving or wanting even we both did not have much money. I really miss those times. We both were reckless of managing money but still can survive.

He's always wanting to eat the food I made for him. He won't complain about the taste which is good or bad. He'll eat it silently. I love spending much time with him on food. He really loves chocolate. I still remember having our first chocolate indulgence cake, he really loves it.

He's always my driver to anywhere I want to go. The best driver ever, the one who lets me sleep on his lap, the one who lets me singing out loud in the car, the one who lets me give peck of kisses on his cheeks every time, the one who does not care about me tickles him and being clingy in the car. I miss them so much. He never complains of those.

He smells so good and I always kiss his shoulder a lot to smell him a thousand times. I don't know what perfume he is using but I always want his shirts or sweater for his smells. I love it so much and he never complains about it too.

He always wants to walk me to accompany me in the dark because I'm scared. He'll let me talk in the dark until I feel tired and we both will smile because of the gasps. I'll still remember us walking pass-through the rugby field and walk through medec and uwais. Walking next to the library to get to van kuning. I miss those too.

I love it when you accompany me to sleep when I sleep alone and scared of the dark. We were on a video call and talk less until we both fell asleep. He is always saying he will end the call after I sleep but in the end, he fell asleep first haha. He's so cute.

There are too many things he has done to me, he gives an impact to my life, he gives me love, happiness, attention and care. I love everything about him and there is none could be him. He is my one and only Nizam and my forever boyfriend.

Sayang, I will always wait for you. I will always pray for you, for us, for our families. I know we have been through some shits because of me, but please know that I'm trying to recover from this mental health and be the best girlfriend, best wife, best friend and best girl for you. I will always love you forever and none can change that. Take the best care of you Sayang. I'm always here for you.

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Picture of My Handwriting

Hai and Assalamualaikum, so today I'm gonna share with you guys about my handwriting. I'm not sure what to write but yeah, I'll do this challenge.

Day 3 - Picture of My Handwiriting

My handwriting is always small and I hope it will always be neat and pretty. This is a doa for me and Nizam. The one who is shared by Nealofa about rezeki. Insyallah Allah hears every doa from everyone and grants it all.

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My Current Relationship

Hai and Assalamualaikum, so for today, I would like to share with you guys about the second question of this blogger challenge which is 'Your Current Relationship.' Saya akan sahut cabaran ni untuk jawab soalan dengan details. So, day 2 with a blogger challenge.

Day 2 - My current relationship

To be honest, I am not sure whether I am taken or just single. I had a fight with my boyfriend about 2 weeks ago and I asked for a breakup since he hurt my feelings unintentionally. He did not read my messages on Whatsapp at all and ignored every my calls. I don't know if he intended to do that because of giving up on me. His phone ada masalah and cannot touch the screen at all. He did not search for me or make an effort to contact me.

I messed things up a lot and I am really inconsistent in this relationship which makes things hard for us.  I'll update later. I'm crying so hard right now thinking of things that I can't make it right.

To be continued.

I'm not really sure what to talk about. My friends always said if he really loves me, he'd do anything for me, make efforts on us. I always denied them all. He did not know how to love someone and hard to express his feelings to me. I get his love when I'm mentally stable but when something triggered me, I am doomed. I feel sorry for being like this. I did not ask for this happened. I just could not control my mind.

For now, I just keep writing a diary about me talking to him through a paper. I talked to him everything in a diary even though I know, he won't read it. Dulu - dulu, whenever I talked to him in a paper, I'll let him keep my diaries, to read and understand how I feel to him through sadness, happiness or anger. Now, I just hope that he won't give up on me yet.

I always pray for us every time whenever I think of him. He's always been my favourite, the kindest person I've ever met. My kind of person who I've shown my bad side, my good side, the truest colour of me. He accepted me anyways. Too bad, I've taken us for granted just because I can't control my anger, my sadness. It affected us.

So, for now, waiting is the best thing and praying also. It is hard for me to do since I'm not a very patient person but I'll try my best for him. I'm just gonna change into better for him, for myself. I don't want to lose my favourite person. I'll be losing half of me too.

My diary

I write every feeling I feel throughout the day in my diary since Nov 2018. I have a lot of diaries. This one I write every out in here. I hope Nizam realizes that he matters to me a lot as I still love him so much after rough things have been happened to us because of me. I never choose any guys but you. You'll be forever my boyfriend, my love, my sayang. No one else could change that.

 To conclude, I may be single, but my heart is taken by him forever. I even swore to my heart, after him. There won't be anyone. I hope our love will be last, I won't be married anyone but you. You won't never lose me since I'll be waiting for you forever.

Our very first hiking 💞

You might want to read Blogger Challenge #1.

p/s A few days ago, I gave myself the courage to contact him through his father's phone. I texted his father through WhatsApp and his father replied and let him know to call me. We did talk on the phone and I was crying for missing him too much and he laughed because I was being silly. Even though it took only 2 minutes on the phone but I was glad that my boyfriend and I were okay. All I did was overthinking and feeling he did not want me anymore. I even said to him that I thought he does not want me anymore but he laughed because he could not text me for having a broken phone. So, I'll just wait for him to have a new phone. I miss him so much!

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Introduction of Me

Hai and Assalamualaikum, today for the second entry, I want to join this challenge by Rrai and the questions are quite interesting since I don't really how to share things about myself. This gives me an opportunity for sharing with people. I hope it won't be a very long entry so that people won't be tired of reading all of my daily challenges. So, let's all join this challenge.

Day 1 - Introduction and my recent photo

Name: Nabiha Aisyah bt Mohd Sukuran

I don't really take a selfie or anything so here.

Nicknames: Biha, Cah, Kabhi and etc.

BOD: 6 May 1998

Elementary School: SRAIBBB (2005), SKPP 18 (1) [2009]

High School: SMKAMH, Kajang (2011)

College: UiTM Jengka (2016)

Academic: Diploma in Civil Engineering

Job: A part-timer crew @ BK Alamanda

Participated: Karate Goshin Ryu, Silat Gayong Malaysia, SUKSIS

Hospital Diagnosis:

 Alleged Sports Injury with Closed Comminuted Fracture of Midshaft Right Humerus

Bipolar Disorder Type 2 in Depressive Mood

Borderline Personality Disorder

Persistent Depressive Disorder

Playlist Spotify: Nighty Mood 🌙

Personality: I get annoyed easily because of bipolar disorder and borderline but I tried my hard to control it with the medicine that I've taken every day. I talk a lot with someone who I feel comfortable with. I enjoy being alone. I don't like noises and giggles. I am a very sensitive person. I don't really like people get clingy with me, even a guy or a girl. I cry easily.

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Cara Mengenali Jenis Comment Dalam Entry

Hai and Assalamualaikum, hari ni kita nak share with you guys about commenting on entries. To be honest I just knew that, we have 4 types of comment location. I mean, saya baru tahu yang tugas comment location berbeza ni lain - lain tau. Baru dapat explore hari ni after penat bekerja hehe.

Type of comment locations

1. Embedded

2. Full page

3. Pop-out windows

4. Hide

Embedded

Contoh Embedded Comment

Saya suka yang camni and baru found out this type of comment location. Pros dia are your friends yang comment on your entries can notify if you reply on their commects and it shows la you guys nak kena balas comment on specific person. So tak payah nak buat dear (somebody) macam saya buat selama ni. Haha padahal takde apa pon. Orang tu tak perasan pon kita tengah cakap dekat dia.

Full Page

Contoh Full Page Comment

Yang ini pon okay je, but kita tak boleh nak tag someone to reply to their comments. So tak bestla. This type kan, when you click on 'Post A Comment', it will open a page, which is full of the comment section macam biasa. Itu yang dimaksudkan dengan full page. If you've set your blog, click a link new tab, okay je. Still akan keluar a full page of the comment section.

Pop-out Windows

Contoh Pop-out Windows

Untuk this type, sama je macam full page comment, but this one dia just pop-out. Open in a new windows. The commenting version still tunjuk satu - satu without mentioning the person yang kita reply on their comments. So, itulah jenisnya.

Hide

Contoh Hide

Untuk hide, macam biasa la, kita setkan untuk orang lain tak boleh comment di entries kita. Under button home tu, takde ruangan untuk komen di entry. Bagi entries yang memerlukan privasi or tak nak opinions from everyone, you may hide your comment sections. It is all up to you guys tau. For this hide type, dia takkan delete your existing comments and you guys boleh tunjukkan comment section korang bila korang set comment korang dengan yang lain - lain selain hide.

Cara - cara nak setkan comment

1. Go to Dashboard > Settings > Posts, Comments and Sharing.

2. Cari bahagian 'Comments'.

3. Pergi dekat bahagian 'Comment Location'.

4. Pick your type.

5. Save.

Itu sahaja daripada saya. Selamat mencuba!

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