Hai and Assalamualaikum. I just want to share about my story life. I'm sharing the things how I feel, but I might be wrong for feeling like this. Based on the situation, I feel biased. Just, the person who I felt like this is not wrong. Just I'm feeling a thing and that won't be matter.
I feel like I have a gap between me and my mom. How she treated me isn't the same how she treats my sis based on how I see. I might be wrong but I don't know. I tried so hard to make a conversation with her whenever I have guts. I'm scared of her. Basically, she always let me down which I don't like but I tried my best not to take it personally.
We had a lunch, my mom, my sis and I were in the kitchen, I cut some onions. I tried to talk to her, just a normal conversation, I asked, where is the best mee udang in Penang since I study in Penang and she has been outstation in North region. She replied to my question, why don't you google? It's all on the internet. I noticed she's kinda annoyed with me.
To be honest, I truly can notice a simple and slightly different the way someone talk to me or treat me. It hurts me because I tried to fill the gap, but it seems like my effort will never be noticed. I feel like, I should be quiet next time.
The way my boyfriend treats me, the way my mom's, my family's treat me. I notice everything. But I keep it to myself. I feel like I'm nothing in this life. I don't like it. Should I stay away from everyone? I'm so in pain right now. I'm thinking of the more I try, the more I get hurt. Everything I do is useless.
My phone is broken and I'm using my friend's phone. I wanted to buy a new phone using my money and I wanted my father to top up some money but he didn't let me. Hm I don't know. I'm scared of everyone right now but I don't show to them. I'm tired of getting hurt. It is so painful because they don't really care what had happened on me.
When I react to something that hurts me or annoys, they get mad to me instead of saying sorry that they hurt me. I'm very sensitive yet they don't really want to be nicer to me. I notice everything. It hurts when I'm the only one who is deeply touched by everyone. I try my best to let things go or learn something that I'm not really good at, but they don't see that I'm trying so hard.
I'm so hurt right now. I hope I still have some patience to deal with everything. I always pray to Allah to ease my ways since I'm trying to learn things that I suck at. I hope He grants my prayers.
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